I Find No Peace

This poem is very deep. The speaker is showing alot of deep feelings about himself and how he doesn't find any peace after the war was over. To me, it's like he wasn't trying to start any war at all. On line 3, it states," I fly above the wind, yet can I not arise." I don't understand that. I wonder if he had felt free at one point and felt retained at another point. It's like something or someone is holding him back. On line 10, it states," I desire to perish, and yet I ask health." It's like at first, he's asking to die because he feels that his life wasn't worth any meaning. But at the same time, he's asking to live because there's something or someone is telling him to live. He's wishing for life and death, but can't make up his mind. I wonder if there was a woman involved.